I was completely messed up today because I thought today was Friday... but it's Thursday. What is time.
David went back to school today... we couldn't finish FFXV, which was a shame. It's always a lonely feeling when he leaves, but that's how it's going to be from now on. I really hope he's able to find his independence after graduating, it's no fun being stuck at home.
I made an appointment with a rheumatologist today, and I'll hopefully be able to get tests done to see where my body is at right now... Earlier this year, i discovered that my optic nerve in my left eye is wearing away... hngg
It's frustrating feeling like a sick person. There's so many things I want to do, I still haven't ever stood on my own feet on my own yet!
Gina and I are going to LA on Monday! Don't forget to call the rental host to ask if it's possible to drop off our bags early.


We spent most of the day playing FFXV again. Once David goes back to school, the xbox will be gone too so we tried to make as much progress as we could, but the end is still very far off.

I don't take horoscopes and such seriously, but as I'm interesting in... really applying myself to my life this year I read one in order to see what things I could pursue. Investments seem to be very promising for Libras in 2018. Dad and I talked about buying some Canadian cannabis stocks.

I want to plan out meals to make but I feel like im mostly impeded by the feeling that the kitchen is mom's territory not mine. I need to go grocery shopping on my own in order to be able to plan out my own meals.


Happy 2018!
I'm back because it's the new year and I wanted to be more regular with posting entries... For the purpose of having a regular habit, I suppose. I think it'll be nice. Also, it was mentioned to me that it might be helpful to have some sort of record of my doings because lupus might make my memory hazy.

My past couple of entries have been really depressing. I think 2017 was a tough year because I was frustrated with where I was and people around me (my parents) were frustrated with where I was and that just did very little to make me feel good about myself even though I was clearly making progress toward a goal. I've applied to pharmacy schools and I should be starting my studies this fall. I'm really excited! This is what I want and I want to keep reminding myself about my own worth and my own desires. This year will be that kind of year, it will be a year about me.

Today... I spent a lot of time playing FFXV with David. Big console games really aren't my thing, but it's fun playing with David... tomorrow I need to make progress with all my commissions as well as draw out my New Year's card that I'll send to friends! I should also probably go to the gym. In the morning.


I was going to type up a really angsty entry but the struggle with logging in and resetting my password sort of dispelled the mood for that kind of thing.

In short, I desperately wish to not matter.


This morning mom was criticizing my lack of dignity and telling me to always maintain my personal value. I told her that she only wants me to be better than other people so that she can look good. She didn't have anything to say in response.

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